SAMCRO's Love Story
by andyouwillneverknow
Summary: Jax and Tara became inseparable on that one night when they were only a year old. Tara gets to grow up being the honorary princess of the Sons of Anarchy. The question is can they live their lives so closely together, without turning in to more than friends?
1. Chapter 1

**This chapter is purely history. **

* * *

Charming was a small town. It was one where gossip spread quickly and somebody's eyes were always watching. You had to be squeaky clean at all times. Once you lost your reputation, there was no getting it back. Most of the teenagers followed the rules and were polite to their elders because if you were a bad kid, it reflected badly on your parents.

Gemma Fields grew up on Oak Street in Charming. It was located just a few blocks north of Main Street. Her mother, Rose, was an unbearable force of nature. She judged everyone and tore everyone down who got in her way. Gemma's father, Nate, had taken so many years of verbal abuse, but was blinded by love. He should have packed Gemma up and taken off, leaving her awful, bitch of a mother behind before she had a chance to poison her innocent daughter.

Sandra O'Reilly grew up in the house next door to the Fields'. Her household was completely different. It was the epitome of small town suburb. Her mother was a first grade teacher at Charming Elementary School and her father owned the Hardware Store on Main Street. The O'Reilly's house was the kind that dinner was always waiting on the table at six o'clock and they took turns clearing the dishes each night. Gemma often sought refuge from her own house at Sandra's.

* * *

By the time they started first grade the two were inseparable. They walked to school together each morning and home each afternoon. Martha, Sandra's babysitter would have cookies and milk waiting for them when they got home. After scarfing down their snack and scribbling across their homework sheets they would disappear into Sandra's bedroom. There they would discuss everything and anything. It was during one of their late afternoon chats where Gemma first voiced her dreams of running away.

"I want to get out of here, Sandy," She said one afternoon. The girls had just started sixth grade and the teacher had asked them what they wanted to be when they grew older. Sandra had seen how the question had affected Gemma. It got her really thinking. As the other girls in the class answered mother or teacher, Gemma told Mrs. Weber that she would get back to her.

Sandra chuckled, figuring this was just one more of Gemma's daydreams. "What are you talking about?" She propped herself up on an elbow and looked at her old friend, who was lying on her back a few feet away, with her dark hair spread across the plush carpet.

"Charming," Gemma said, her eyes not leaving the white ceiling. "I'm getting out of here. Soon as I turn sixteen."

Sandra slid back against the floor and shook her head. "Whatever you say, Gem."

* * *

In those moments where they shared their secrets and hopes in Sandra's room, it never occurred to Sandra that Gemma was really going to make good on her promise. Sure enough, the day after Gemma's sixteenth birthday there was a loud rapping noise on Sandra's bedroom window. She cracked an eye open and was hit by the overall stillness of the room. The alarm clock on her nightstand read three o'clock in the morning, she groaned and shuffled across the floor to look through the window.

Gemma was standing on the grass a story below. She was still wearing plaid pajama pants and a black tank top. Her outfit was not what scared Sandra. The two duffel bags stuffed to capacity lying at Gemma's feet sent shivers up her spine. She threw her window open, letting the cool night air wash over her skin.

"Are you crazy?" She hissed into the night air.

"I came to say goodbye," Gemma answered.

Sandra knew that was why she was there, but the words still made her sick. How could she just get up and leave? Then she remembered all the times her and Gemma lay on her bedroom floor. When Gemma would whisper the horrible things her mother said to her that morning. It was only a matter of time before she sought permanent refuge.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sandra asked, although she already knew the answer. Nothing she said was going to stop Gemma from leaving Charming.

Gemma nodded, then really looked up at her friend. "I have to," She sighed. "I can't stay here anymore. Not with her," She tilted her head toward her own house. It was quiet and dark. "I love you, Sandy, but I need to do this for me."

Sandra was quiet for a moment. She did not want Gemma to go, but she did not want to be the thing that stood in her way from being free from her poisonous mother. She bit her tongue and swallowed the lump in her throat that threatened tears. "I know," She whispered. "I love you, too, Gem," She reached for the window, ready to pull it back into place. "Keep in touch. And be careful, promise me you'll stay safe."

Gemma nodded again, then reached down to hoist both bags over her shoulders. In the faint moonlight, Sandra could make out the angry scar running down the center of her friend's chest, just barely visible above the neckline of her tank top. "I'll see you again one day." Gemma promised before disappearing into the night.

* * *

Nine years later.

Sandra sat in the center of her living room floor. The plush rug rubbed up against her bare thighs. She cooed down at her daughter, who was rolling around on the blanket she'd spread out. "Hi, baby," She said before blowing a strawberry on the girl's bare stomach.

A lot had changed in the last nine years. She had heard from Gemma on and off for the first five years. Then the letters and phone calls started coming less and the time between the contact was longer before it stopped altogether. In the time since Gemma left, Sandra married Benjamin; her high school sweetheart. She continued her father's hardware store business, while Ben went through trade school to become a certified mechanic. Last year they had their daughter, which was when Ben finished school and Sandra decided to take time off from the store.

The doorbell rang. When Sandra didn't respond immediately there was a hard knocking on the door. Tentatively, Sandra stood and opened the front door. Her face went pale like she saw a ghost. Her mouth dropped to the floor and she was trying to figure out how to lift it back up to speak. When a familiar voice spoke for her.

"Miss me, baby?"

Gemma was standing on Sandra's welcome mat in tight jeans, leather boots, and a leather jacket. Her dark hair was streaked with thick blonde pieces and a tattoo of a crow was sitting on her left breast. The most shocking part was the accessory sitting on the woman's hip. A baby boy.

"Gemma Fields?" Sandra asked, still in shock.

"It's Teller, now," Gemma corrected, carefully hoisting the baby higher on her hip.

Teller. Sandra didn't question it. It was not surprising that Gemma had run off and found someone crazy enough to handle her free spirit. The long pause became awkward and Sandra chuckled lightly. "Well, come in," She stepped back and let Gemma walk over the thresh hold.

"Is he yours?" Sandra asked, leaning down to coo at the baby.

"Yeah, Jax. He's a year old," Gemma answered, then turned to the boy, like she just realized he was there. A huge smile spread across her face.

"Well, sit down," Sandra gestured to the small love seat in the living room. "We have a lot of catching up to do," She started to walk to the kitchen, then stopped. "Can I get you something? Coffee?"

Gemma shook her head. She easily adjusted Jax onto her lap before studying the little girl on the floor. "No, thanks," She answered absently. She looked up at Sandra again, then. "But we do have a lot of catching up to do."

* * *

An hour later, Sandra and Gemma were laughing like they did when they were fifteen. Gemma had told the entire story that filled up her last nine years. The man she met, John Teller, the outlaw motorcycle gang he created with his best friend and their need for a small town to root themselves in. How Gemma married John, then led them here after finding out her parents had moved out a few years back. Sandra filled Gemma in, too. She told her about Ben, their wedding, her job at the store, her parent's accident, and finally the birth of her daughter, Tara, last year.

By the end of the night Jax and Tara were rolling around on the blanket together and cooing loudly in baby gibberish. Gemma and Sandra were sipping coffee and throwing back their heads in laughter as they remembered old times together. Sandra finally felt whole again. Her entire life she had pictured this very moment; Her and Gemma's kids playing together while they sipped coffee and laughed about their golden years. When Gemma left nine years ago, she had simply dismissed the dream.

* * *

**This chapter was written to explain the history I have established for this fiction. I'm sorry it's so short! The following chapters will focus more on Jax and Tara. Please leave reviews and let me know what you think! **


	2. Childhood

The sun was disappearing beyond the chain link surrounding the compound, making the sky a perfectly blended watercolor of pinks and oranges. There was a peacefulness that hung in the air. One that only seemed to come at twilight during the summer. The only sound was the creaking of the rusty swings as they traveled back and forth. The smell of alcohol, exhaust, and cigarette smoke was prominent, but it had become an almost permanent perfume for everybody, so it went unnoticed most of the time. It was the perfect summer evening...if you were a Son.

Tara's shrill scream pierced the tranquility. Gemma and Sandra turned from their spot at the picnic table to watch Jax chase her around the playground the prospects had built. Thomas was there, too. He wobbled behind Jax trying desperately to keep up with his younger brother. He was three years old, but that did not stop him from following Jax and Tara around like a lost puppy. Gemma chuckled and took another hit from her cigarette. Sandra shook her head and twirled her empty beer bottle around on the wooden table.

"You know that's going to kill you?" She asked, nodding toward the dwindling cigarette pinched between Gemma's two fingers.

"No, darling," She shook her head and let out a smoky breath. "My heart condition is going to kill me. This will just make life more enjoyable while I'm here." She tapped the end against the ashtray and brought it to her lips again inhaling deeply while keeping her eyes on Sandra. A playful smile danced around the corners of her mouth.

The two women turned their attention back to their kids. Tommy was sitting on the ground grabbing tufts of grass and throwing them into the air before bursting out in a belly laugh. Tara and Jax were on the swings. Each of their legs were pumping in the air as they tried to force themselves higher. It looked like a contest. Much like the ones Sandra and Gemma used to participate in when they were nine.

"Can you believe those two?" Gemma asked, stubbing out the rest of her cigarette and leaving the remains in the ashtray.

Sandra shook her head, never letting her green eyes leave her daughter's smiling face. "When Tara was born I never thought she would get to meet you. Let alone your son." She smiled at her old friend. "I always wanted this for her. You know, your child to be her best friend like you were mine."

Gemma smirked, staring at Sandra. "I bet you never thought I would be an old lady to a motorcycle club and my son would be their prince. That's not the life you had planned for your little girl."

Sandra let out a small laugh. "No, it's not," She turned to look at Gemma meeting her eyes for the first time this conversation. "But we've made it work, huh?"

Tara and Jax giggled together as they slowed their swings to a stop. They let their sneakered feet drag across the grassy patch beneath the playground, kicking up small amounts of dirt. Ben Knowles was bent over his wife's Cutlass The line of motorcycles that normally occupied the lot were missing. Tara pondered the near empty compound for a moment before addressing her best friend. "Where do you think they go?" She nodded toward the vacant motorcycle parking spots.

Jax seemed to think about this also. His parents had never told him where his father disappeared to during the early hours of the morning or what his 'business' trips that lasted days at a time were about. He did see the small hand guns his parents kept and the knife that was always present on his father's belt. He could also never shake the fear that something bad was going to happen whenever his father mounted his Dinah. He did know that his father was considered the bad guy. Jax was only nine years old, but his father had been in prison three times in his short life. He looked at Tara and shook his head. "I really don't know." He answered truthfully.

This was a conversation the two of them had often. Tara cracked a smile and looked back at the empty lot. "This time their fighting dragons. Huge, fire breathing ones that are going to kill all of Charming."

Jax smiled too, stretching it from ear to ear. "Right now my dad is using his magical knife to scare them away before they come for the three of us," He nodded to Tommy who was now stuffing the blades of grass in his mouth, then smiling at the two of them with a spacey toothed grin.

Jax and Tara burst out into a fit of hysterics at the little toddler. They grabbed at their bellies and bent at the waist, letting a joyful sound rip from their throats. Tommy was always doing funny things and he didn't even know it. Tara stood and walked over to him, kneeling down so she was at his level.

"Hey, Tommy," She cooed and pulled the grass from his mouth and wiped off his dirt encrusted palms. Jax knelt down beside her still laughing.

"You can't eat that, buddy," He managed between giggles.

* * *

In the silence of Jax's room, long after Gemma had come in and told him and Tara that it was lights out for the night, they whispered back and forth. Their hushed voices were the only sounds in the eerily quiet house. The clock on his nightstand reminded them that it was past one A.M. They were having their weekly Friday night sleepover. It was Gemma and John's turn to host it. Tara knew that the few girlfriends she had at school would never be allowed to have a slumber party with a boy they weren't related to, let alone share a bed with said boy. One time Tara mentioned one of her and Jax's sleepovers and the girls had been horrified.

"You have sleepovers in the same bed as Jax?" Mindy Carlisle had gasped.

"My mom says you're not supposed to sleep in the same bed as a boy until you're married." Hannah Gates whispered.

Tara remembered never to talk about her Friday nights again. For her and Jax it was normal. They had been doing this for as long as either of them could remember. It's not like they did any of the gross stuff parents did. Like kiss and hug while they were in bed. They simply stayed up until the early hours of the morning talking.

Jax stared up at the ceiling, never letting his eyes leave the glare the moon left on the white paint. "You know Mindy Carlisle?"

Tara nodded, remembering her shocked expression at Tara's confession. "Yeah."

"She's really pretty," Jax whispered, thinking of the girl's long blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes.

Tara sat up and looked down at Jax. "You like Mindy?" She asked in a teasing, sing-song tone.

* * *

It was only a month or so after Jax's twelfth birthday, Gemma and Sandra were taking Thomas grocery shopping with them and leaving the two older children at the compound. Most parents would cringe at the thought of having bikers babysit their children, but most of the time the Sons were the only babysitters Tara and Jax ever knew. Ben was out on a repo job with the new prospect, Chibs. John, Clay, and Tig were on a protection mission. That left Bobby, Piney, and Big Otto to watch the kids.

"Be good. And do not use that bike. It stays in the garage," Gemma warned. She was referring to the dirt bike she and John had gotten Jax for his birthday last month. John had taught him how to ride it last week, but Jax had been given careful instructions not to use it without an adult.

"I know," Jax answered, pasting on his most innocent expression.

Gemma turned to leave, but took one look at her son's face and whipped back around. "I'm serious, Jackson."

With a last warning glare over her shoulder Gemma climbed into the passenger seat of Sandra's Cutlass and the two of them peeled out of the parking lot. After their car was no longer visible from the gated lot Jax turned to Tara, mischief was gleaming in his eyes. "We're going to use the dirt bike, aren't we?"

Jax nodded and stalked off to the garage. "Get Ope! He's in the clubhouse," He called without bothering to turn and look at Tara.

* * *

Tara and Opie joined Jax by coming through the office because Jax had drawn the garage doors shut so they couldn't bee seen from the clubhouse. He had the bike in the middle of the garage. It's shiny blue and white paint glistened under the fluorescent lights. Jax stepped back and admired it's beauty before addressing Opie. "What are they doing in there?"

"A whole lot of nothing. My old man is on his second glass of Scotch. Bobby and Otto are sharing a joint," He shrugged and ran a hand over the bike.

"Think they'll notice if we roll this thing out of here?"

"Nah, they're pretty much out of it and your old man isn't coming home until tomorrow," Opie answered Jax's question. His eyes never left the dirt bike and he did nothing to hide the lust in his eyes.

* * *

The three of them had successfully managed to remove the bike from the compound. Tara was pressed up against Jax's back, his shoulder blade digging into her cheek and Opie was behind her hugging his arms tight around her waist. They were taking the back roads of Charming to a park where they could openly ride the bike. Although Tara was terrified of being caught she had to admit that she enjoyed the feeling of the wind blowing her hair around and the warm sun on her bare limbs.

Sirens blared and red and blues lights reflected off the black asphalt in front of them. Jax muttered a curse under his breath and veered the bike off to the shoulder of the road. Tara burrowed her face further into Jax's leather jacket, already imagining what her parents were going to say. When the bike came to a stop Opie sat up straight, but Tara simply tightened her hold on Jax's waist.

* * *

"JACKSON NATHANIEL TELLER!" Gemma's voice traveled down the hall, echoing off the concrete walls.

Tara watched Jax's relaxed posture stiffen and he sucked in a breath. Opie's head perked up, too from his spot on the floor where he was casually leaning against the wall.

Gemma came to a stop in front of the cell. Her face was twisted with fury, her mouth a straight line. All three of the kids looked up at her, pure fear registered on their faces. Jax and Tara were sharing the metal bunk inside the cell and Opie was leaning against the wall opposite them, his long legs stretched out in front of him. They must have looked pathetic because Gemma cracked a smile.

"You three aren't supposed to do time until you're at least sixteen," She joked.

Relief washed over Jax's face. He lifted Tara's legs out of his lap and hopped off the bench to grab hold of the bars that were separating him from his mother. Unser came careening around the corner, clearly out of breath after chasing Gemma. He held up the key to the cell and jingled it slightly.

"Should I let them out?" He questioned, his eyes never leaving Gemma. "Or let them sweat it out a bit?"

Gemma chuckled again, then took a step back. "No, let them out. I think they've learned their lesson."

* * *

_**This was just a backstory of Jax and Tara's life together as kids before the next chapter! I hope you enjoy it! I'm sorry I know it's kind of unorganized, but it was just supposed to be a mixture of stories! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!**_


	3. Words are Life's Most Painful Weapons

Words seemed meaningless. There were just letters, strung together to produce a sound. But when you put words together they became life changing. It took one conversation for your life to change. Just one. The words that made up the conversation could suddenly take on more meaning then they should. They could shatter the sheltered life you had been living up until that point.

The sun was slowly slipping behind the horizon, casting shadows on Charming Park and successfully removing the heat from the air. The sky was streaked in bright oranges and pinks. It was late afternoon on a Sunday. Gemma, Sandra, Jax, and Tara were at Charming Park. The remains from their picnic were long gone, sitting at the bottom of a trash can. Gemma and Sandra were spread out on the checkered blanket, absently staring up at the beautiful sky. Jax and Tara were hiding away in the plastic tunnel that had become theirs over the years.

Every Sunday for twelve years Gemma and Sandra would pack up a picnic basket and head over to the park for an early dinner. They would talk on the picnic table, while Jax and Tara ran around the park together. Since their first meeting Jax and Tara had grown inseparable. They did everything together. Best friends. The Knowles and Teller families had also grown close. Ben was a mechanic at Teller-Morrow, the Knowles family was there when Thomas prematurely passed, and they spent almost all of their holidays together.

This was the life Sandra had seen for her and Gemma. Their families were close and their children were growing up together. If you subtracted the tragic death and motorcycle club, it was everything Sandra would think about before she went to sleep at night as a child. It was a dream she'd given up on the day she watched Gemma walk away with two duffel bags hanging from her shoulders.

Jax leaned his head against the the tunnel and looked up at the darkening sky through a slit in the plastic. Tara did the same. It was quiet for a long moment, the only sound was the swishing noise of the wind against the plastic. Jax finally looked at Tara and sighed.

"What's wrong?" He asked. His voice was a little huskier. Puberty was changing both of their bodies and they were noticing slight differences in their body.

Tara shook her head, not meeting his eye. She knew the pain was written all over her face. She also knew that Jax wasn't going to let it go. He continued to stare at her, forcing her to look at him. "Tell me, Tara."

The conversation she had had with her parents earlier swam into her head, causing a lump to rise in her throat. She let the cool air breeze by between them and watched the scene in her head as though she was a third person.

"Honey," Her father called when Tara walked in the door that morning after her sleepover with Jax. "Can you come in here for a moment, please?"

The tone his voice took on made Tara uneasy. She slipped her bag to the floor and padded into the dining room. Her mother and father were both seated at the table wearing monotone expressions. She stopped in the doorway, staring at them for a moment. Sandra gestured to an empty seat at the table.

Tara wordlessly slid into the wooden chair and met both their eyes before training her glance on the table. She waited patiently for someone to speak. The silence was killing her and the tension was thick in the air. Something wasn't right.

Her father sighed and reached for Tara's hand across the table. He carefully squeezed it before speaking. "You're mother and I have something to tell you."

He did not say anything else, but the tone his voice took on made her stomach dropped. She leaned against the table waiting for an explanation. Sandra was silent. Her gaze was trained on the wooden grains in the table. Tara silently willed her mother to look at her, but she kept her eyes down.

"Your mother had some tests run last week. Her doctor suggested them after her latest check up," Ben started. He was talking to Tara slowly, like she was a small child and she wouldn't understand if he used big words. "The results came in today..." The way his voice trailed off at the end of his sentence made Tara uneasy. She pressed her body harder against the table and dug her teeth into her bottom lip.

Tara's eyes flew to her mother. She was still hiding her face with her downward glance, making her dark hair fall like a curtain between her and her daughter. Ben was sitting still, obviously waiting for Sandra to speak up. The air was thick and Tara's stomach was turned upside down. The suspense was making her sick. "Mom?" Her voice broke through the silence in the room.

Sandra's head snapped up like she just realized Tara was in the room. Her green eyes were the exact same color as Tara's. They bore into Tara for a moment and were filled with an impossible sadness. Tara's heart sped up in her chest. "What's wrong?" She questioned.

"I have cancer, honey," Sandra whispered, her voice barely audible over Tara's thumping heart. "Pancreatic. Stage four."

Nothing else mattered at the moment. Not the stupid fight with Jax she'd had before storming out of his house this morning. Not the marijuana she had found in his top drawer that had started the fight. Right now, Tara's life as she knew it was over. Her world seemed to shatter around her, crumpling to pieces at her feet. The words cancer and stage four echoed in her ears.

"You're going to be okay, right?" She asked although the answer was looming in the back of her head. She had to fight the urge to get up and runaway, leaving the table, the house, and eventually Charming. She wanted to get as far from this room with the horrible news as possible.

Tears were forming in her mother's eyes, the corners were damp, but they had yet to spill over her lids. She shook her head, shaking a stray tear loose. "I'm sorry, honey," She whispered.

Tara's vision blurred. She felt nothing. Her mind emptied itself of stupid drama and her nerve endings became numb. Nobody said another word. Her father simply sat in between his wife and daughter, stroking their hands with his thumb. Tara tried, but failed to think of something to say. She wanted to produce the right words. Words that would take away her mother's fears and pain, but she came up empty. Probably because she was scared and hurt, too.

"How long?' She managed to croak, her voice hoarse with oncoming tears.

Her mother did not play dumb, she knew what Tara was talking about. "They say eight months."

After Tara told Jax the story, she could no longer control the tears that were streaming down her face. Neither of them said anything. Jax slid to her side of the tunnel and enclosed her in his growing arms. She nestled her head into the hollow at his neck and let her saltwater tears stain his plaid button up. Jax rubbed soothing patterns up the length of her bare arm and whispered his condolences in her ear. He knew nothing he said would take away her pain, but the silence felt awkward and wrong.

On the picnic blanket Sandra had just broke the news to her best friend. Gemma gasped, bringing her hand up to covering her mouth. Within seconds her eyes filled with tears. Her best friend had been given eight months to live. The words weighed heavy in her ears. She reached across the blanket and closed the distance between her and Sandra. They sat in each others arms for a long moment, no one spoke. Even mother nature when still around them. The trees didn't rustle and the birds quieted.

"Oh, baby," Gemma cooed, breaking the silence. "I'm sorry."

Sandra pulled away and looked up at her old friend. She looked so much different from the sixteen year old Gemma that she had watched runaway that dark night and her eyes and mouth were outlined with a few more lines, but she was still the best friend Sandra had ever had. "It's not your fault," Sandra assured. "Don't be sorry." She giggled in an attempt to lighten the mood, but Gemma never cracked a smile. "I'm the sorry one. Leaving you here in stupid Charming." She gestured half heartedly to the air around her.

Gemma didn't return the humor, instead she wiped a tear from her cheek and leaned in to hug her best friend tight to her chest.

After their emotional picnic nobody was in the mood to stay at the park. It took them all about an hour to compose themselves, then they packed up their basket and folded the blanket. Jax piled the stuff into the back of Sandra's Cutlass then moved around the side of the car, wanting to get to Tara again. Someone grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Jax?" Sandra asked, tugging lightly on his bicep.

Jax nodded and let her lead him into the woods, down one of the paths made for hiking. She turned to face him finally, but Jax could barely see her face in the darkness. The moonlight struggled to reach them through the thick cover of trees overhead. She dropped his arm and sucked in a deep breath.

"Tara told you the news, I assume?" She questioned, raising one of her thinly plucked dark eyebrows.

Jax nodded again. "I'm so sorry, Sandy." He shook his head, but did not drop her gaze.

Sandra held up a hand, stopping him from saying anything more. "Thank you, Jax," She answered. "But that's not what I dragged you out here for."

"What do you need?"

"I need you to promise me something," Tara's mother said, there was pain in her voice, but Jax pretended he didn't hear it because it's source was obvious.

"Anything," He agreed without hesitation.

"I need you to watch out for Tara," She sighed, then continued. "I mean after I'm gone. You're her best friend, Jax," She shook her head, the tears glistening in the corners of her green eyes. "You have to protect her. You have your head screwed on straight. Make sure she doesn't lose her way." For some humor she chuckled, unsuccessfully trying to lighten the mood again. "Chase off any guys that aren't good enough for her."

Jax laughed, too, which relieved Sandra some. Since she started telling people nobody had just laughed at her attempts to crack a joke. "So, you mean all guys?"

Sandra nodded quickly, a genuine smile spread across her face. "You get the picture."

Jax looked at her, letting his blue eyes bear into her green ones. With a quick head nod he agreed. "I'll always protect, Tara," He promised.

Sandra's lips slid closed, but she kept a smile on her face. She knew that Jax was only thirteen, but she also knew that he had seen enough in his short life because of his involvement with the club that he could step up to the challenge. Jax Teller was the only person she trusted to look out for her daughter after she was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

The clubhouse was accustomed to hosting events. They did everything big. Special occasions normally included beer, marijuana, and strippers. The clubhouse was filled to the brim with guests, but there was no party atmosphere tonight. Mourners wearing black. Those were the types of people that occupied the compound on the rainy night in March.

Tara was seated in Clay's vice president chair inside the chapel. Sandra's sleek mahogany casket was on the table. Tara had been staring at her mother's lifeless body for hours. People had been passing in and out all day, but she had barely seen their faces or heard their mumbled goodbyes.

Sandra looked peaceful. It was almost refreshing to Tara. For the last few months she had been watching her mother slowly deteriorate. Lifting her head off the pillow had become difficult for Sandra over the last few weeks. Seeing her mother who was strong, happy, and caring in such an incredible amount of pain broke something inside of Tara.

Ben Knowles had checked out minutes after Sandra passed. He used alcohol to drown his emotions. Tara wasn't even sure he had turned up at the wake. If it wasn't for Gemma the wake would never had happened. Gemma was the only reason Tara had been clothed and fed for the past few days.

The last mourner left, closing the chapels' door behind her. Tara listened to the reassuring click of the closed door before she let the sob that had was pent up inside her, rock her body. Without warning her grief overtook her. Tears soaked her cheeks, her bottom lip quivered, and she was having difficulty getting air to fill her lungs.

Anger suddenly turned her vision red. She looked down at her mother's still body and hate filled her. She was angry at her mother for dying, at her father for drinking himself stupid, and whatever higher power there was because she was robbed of both her parents. A screeched escaped her throat and echoed off the wood paneled walls. Her blood was boiling as she abruptly stood up, shoving her chair to the ground behind her. Tara's eyes scanned the room, landing on the row of pictures hanging on the wall.

Carefully, she grabbed the first frame and whipped it across the room, making it bounce off the far wall. It felt enlightening, like the weight on her shoulders was being lifted. Her fingers brushed the next glossy picture and it shattered on contact this time. Next she flung the coat rack that was standing in the corner. With another swift motion the filing cabinet was open and she emptied its contents by watching them fly around the room. Every time an object hit the floor Tara felt better. The adrenaline fueled her rampage.

Gemma rushed into the chapel, smacking the door against the wall in the process. She gasped when she saw the turmoil inside. Tara looked at her briefly before sending the plaque she was holding to the other side of the room. "Sweetie!" The older woman managed, covering her open mouth with her hand.

The presence of her mother's best friend did nothing to stop her tantrum. She continued to grab inanimate objects around the room and send them flying. The tears that were streaming down her face were not an obstacle either, her rage was a distraction she didn't even notice the sobs or her wet cheeks. "I hate her for leaving!" She screamed more to herself, then to Gemma. "I hate him for drinking!"

Jax came in as Tara threw John Teller's first motorcycle helmet. He looked at his mother's wide eyed expression, then crossed the room, closing the distance between him and Tara. He carefully wrapped his gangly thirteen year old arms around Tara's waist and shoulders. She fought back at first, thrashing wildly in his arms before surrendering. She slumped her shoulders and relaxed into her best friend.

"Shh," He whispered, pulling her to the ground to sit. "It's going to be okay." He held Tara while he scooted the two of them backwards, so he could lean against the wall.

Tara didn't respond. The anger was gone, her blood was no longer boiling, so there was nothing to distract her from the tears running down her face and her swollen eyes. The sobs were still making her body quiver, her lungs felt stiff, like she wasn't getting enough air. Jax squeezed her tighter and rested his head on her shoulder, waiting for her to relax.

A half hour later, after her tear duds had run dry and her body had stilled she turned in Jax's arms to face him. "You think it's going to be okay?" She questioned, nuzzling her face into the hollow at his neck.

He nodded. "I'll make sure of it."

Tara pulled away to look at him again, staring into his blue eyes. "Thank you."

Jax nodded and let a small chuckle escape his mouth. "You look like shit." He reached up and wiped Tara's wet cheeks with his thumbs. Then he tucked her tangled, dark hair behind her ears and pulled her back down to his chest. The two of them stayed like that for a long time. They didn't speak again, Jax just held Tara, carefully stroking her hair. Gemma watched from the doorway for a few minutes, smiling to herself before disappearing to join the other mourners by the bar.

Tara let a few stray tears slide down her face and soak throw Jax's thin flannel shirt. While she laid here it was easy to imagine that her mother wasn't lying in a casket and her father hadn't taken to drinking too much alcohol and stumbling around the streets of Charming. Right now, it was just her and her best friend. She let Jax chase away her nightmares and was content to sit on the clubhouse's floor wrapped in his arms for a little while longer at least.


	5. A New Kind of Family

After Sandra's death Ben tried to step up. He stopped drinking during the day. Only getting wasted at night and on the weekends. The weekdays he was sober and did his best to take care of Tara. Even at her young age she knew he would never be the same. The light in his eyes was gone. It was as though someone scooped out all the things that made him who he was and left the shell. It only took two months until he succumbed to the alcohol again.

Tara managed most days. She had gotten good at taking care of her father in his drunken stupor. Somedays he never came home. If Mr. Healy, the owner of Healy's Pub on Main Street called and said that Ben was passed out in the back room of the bar for the night, Tara would have twelve stress-free hours. Despite her best attempts to hide her father's shortcomings, Gemma could still see the struggles that Tara went through daily. She often insisted that the young teenager sleep over and spend most of her time in the Teller household.

It only took a few months for Tara to give up on her father completely. Gemma went to the Knowles' house a few months shy of the anniversary of Sandra's death. She brought two duffel bags and an empty trunk. Tara was alone and knew what her mother's best friend had come for. Without any words she packed the two bags full of all the clothes she owned. Then she grabbed a few more duffels from her closet and packed everything else in her room. That was the day she moved into the Teller's house. Gemma and John had given her Thomas' room. It was only after careful discussion and years of healing. They had come to the conclusion that there was no better use for the now empty room.

If Jax and Tara weren't inseparable before, living together only strengthened that bond. After Gemma and John had warned the two of them to go to sleep, they would retreat to their respective bedrooms and listen for the house to fall silent. Once they were both positive Gemma and John were asleep for the night, Jax would sneak into Tara's bedroom. They would spend the nights wide awake talking about everything.

"Did you ever think about...leaving Charming?" Tara questioned one night. She was lying on her back staring at the ceiling. Jax was lying next to her in the double bed, mimicking her position.

He rolled his head to the side and took in her dark hair splayed across the pillow and the way her pale skin was illuminated by the moonlight coming through the window. The room was silent while he turned the thought over in his head. "No, I haven't."

Tara nodded. She looked over, meeting Jax's blue eyes. "I never did. Until..." Her voice trailed off. She didn't need to finish the sentence. They both knew what she meant. Until her mother died. "Now it's all I can think about. I want to get away, Jax."

Jax's eyes widened and he shook his head. A small laugh escaped his lips. He simply looked at Tara, wondering what the draw was. Why everyone was so set on leaving Charming. It had always served him well. He couldn't imagine leaving, because the only thing he could imagine was sitting at the head of the table holding the gavel. "You sound like my mother."

Tara knew that Gemma had runaway when she was sixteen. The older women would laugh about it at dinner sometimes. Jax and Tara knew the story well. Sandra had never had the desire to leave Charming and neither had Tara or Jax...that was until Charming was a constant reminder of everything the young teenager had lost. "I don't wanna runaway when I'm sixteen, but I do wanna get out. Maybe for college or something."

A pang of hurt filled Jax's heart. He tried to picture a life without Tara, but failed. He knew that college was a long way off, which left Tara plenty of opportunities to change her mind, but it still hurt. He didn't want to live his life without his best friend. He laughed, this time there was no humor in the sound. It was a poor attempt to cover up the pain in his voice. "You can't leave me here."

Tara laughed, too. She heard the pain and slight longing in Jax's voice, but chose to ignore it. She rolled her head to look at the ceiling again. "Of course not. You'll come with me." Then her mind filled with possibilities and fantasies. All of which included her and Jax off in some city far away from Charming and the pain it brought her.

Jax wanted to humor her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. "I have to stay here. Take over the club when my old man steps down."

Tara nodded, she knew he would say something like that. Gemma may have runaway from Charming when she was a teenager, but from the time she moved back with her little family she had been drilling the notion to stay into Jax's brain. She might have hated Charming when she was younger, but she thrived on family and the club was family to her. Over her dead body would Jax walk away from that. "Well, I probably won't leave. It's just a thought," She brushed off the conversation and rolled over, her lids heavy with sleep.

Even though he knew she just settling the air, Jax felt a little relief at Tara's words. He sighed and sank into the mattress. He yawned slightly and slipped out of bed. He placed a hand on her shoulder and leaned his mouth close to her ear. "Goodnight, Darling."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

* * *

**This was just a filler chapter. I promise the next one will be much better! Hope you enjoy reading! Leaving reviews and let me know what you think! **


	6. I Know The Feeling

"Your father was hit by a semi on 580... St. Thomas did everything they could, but he didn't make it..." The sentence barely escaped her lips before a sob rocked her body and she bent over the picnic table, trying desperately to fill her lungs with air. Jax was vaguely aware of Tara reaching out and patting Gemma's hand.

The world stopped. Everyday noises went silent. The cool breeze that had been blowing was still. A cloud came and hid the sun. Gemma stood before Jax and Tara her lip quivering as she took in their reactions. Jax sat on the picnic bench outside the clubhouse, unmoving. From the corner of his eye he could see Tara. She was grabbing at her chest, like her heart hurt and gasping for air. She was trying to make eye contact with him, gage his emotions, but he refused to meet her eye. Suddenly, there was no reason to move. No reason to live.

Suddenly, despite the fact that he was outside he felt suffocated. Tara and Gemma were staring at him like they were waiting for tears, but he couldn't produce them. He felt numb. In one swift motion, he pushed himself off of the bench and ran for the clubhouse apartment. He locked himself in and plopped face first onto the sheets. His nose wrinkled at the smell. He briefly wondered when the last time was that they were washed, but quickly decided he didn't care.

* * *

At home Gemma went into overdrive. She became the manic control freak Tara and Jax were used to. She planned John's funeral and memorial service. It was like she had a switch that turned off her emotions because she never shed another tear.

The Teller household became a revolving door. People came with food dishes at regular intervals. The club made sure an armed member was there at all times. It was obvious Clay didn't mind being there at all. He and Gemma stayed up all hours of the night talking. Jax and Tara would lay in Jax's bed listening to their hushed voices. They couldn't make out the words, but neither of them seemed too sad.

* * *

On the morning of the funeral Gemma laid out a black button down and dark jeans for Jax and a simple a-line black dress for Tara. She'd sent one of the member's old ladies out to get them new clothes for the occasion. Jax slipped into the clothes quickly, then made his way into Tara's room. She was standing in front of the mirror hanging on the back of her door, twisting her hair into a tight chignon at the nape of her neck. The back of her dress was hanging open, she clearly had struggled with the zipper. Jax stepped behind her and closed it, then smiled at her reflection in the mirror. Tara turned around and clucked her tongue at his untucked shirt. Without saying anything she reached around his waist and began shoving his shirt into the top of his pants.

"You two are too close," A familiar voice said from the doorway. They both turned to see Opie. He was leaning against the door frame in leather jacket and jeans. His feet were tucked into a pair of boots and a beanie covered his long hair.

Tara looked down and noticed that her hands her still on Jax's hips. She dropped them quickly, then turned back to the mirror in an effort to hide the blush creeping up her neck. Opie crossed the room in large strides and engulfed Jax in a 'bro hug' as they liked to call it. "I'm so sorry, man," He whispered.

* * *

Sons from all over the country came to honor their mother charter's fallen president. The roar of motorcycles could be heard all over Charming. Chairs had been set up in the cemetery for the ceremony, but the funeral director had to keep adding more because of the extra guests that kept showing up. Even Ben had made it, although he wasn't sober. Gemma gave him a seat in the back and made him promise not to make a peep. Jax, Tara, and Gemma were sitting in the front row, right in the middle of the aisle. SAMCRO's other members surrounded them. Jax's eyes landed on Clay and Gemma. They were sitting next to each other. Every once and a while Clay would rub her back or squeeze her hand. He was only comforting her, nothing romantic, but the sight of them together made him enraged.

There was not a dry eye when Gemma stood up and read the eulogy she prepared herself. All of the funeral goers were dabbing their eyes with crumpled tissues and sniffling along with her touching words. Jax couldn't hear her. He was only focused on the wooden coffin before him. He was definitely in the denial stage of grief because he could not convince himself that his father was lying inside.

Tara approached him with a rose. He took it and played with the stem between his fingers before looking up at her with a confused look. She nodded over her shoulder to the procession of funeral goers each dropping a rose on top of John's coffin as it was being lowered into the ground. Jax nodded, then made his way over to the graveside. He pressed the rose gently to his lips before dropping it. He stared at the coffin, lying in the bottom of grave and lost it. The lump that had been rising in his throat throughout the entire ceremony won. Tears spilled over his eyelids and sobs made his shoulders rock. His legs went weak and could no longer support the weight of his body. He fell to his knees and buried his head in his palms.

Everyone in the crowd stopped and watched him. No one moved, they were too surprised by the sudden outburst of emotions. Jax didn't notice. All he was worried about was that this was his final goodbye to his father. He rocked back on his heels and openly sobbed. Gemma stared, her jaw dropping. Her eyes darted from the stunned people to her emotional son. It was Tara who jumped into action first. She knelt down beside Jax and pulled his shaking form against her chest.

"It's gonna be okay," She whispered in his ear, while trying to suppress her own sobs. She dropped down on her bottom and pulled Jax closer, stroking his hair and whispering promises in his ear. "It gets better," She cooed.

The two of them stayed in that position long after the grave was covered and the funeral processed out of the cemetery. The sun had dipped behind the horizon, making the moon their only light source. Tara sighed and patted Jax's arm. "We have to go." Being in the cemetery at night gave her the creeps. She looked around at the rows of headstones and felt shivers travel down her spine.

* * *

That night after she showered and changed into a ratty old pair of sweats and a baggy t-shirt, Tara padded down the hallway and climbed into Jax's bed. He was already laying on his back staring up at the white ceiling. Tara mimicked his position, listening to his silent sniffles. "Right now you can't breath," Was all she said.

Jax didn't answer. He was concentrating on stopping the tears from rolling down his cheeks. When his silence became inevitable Tara continued. "You feel like this is the end. You'll never get better." She shook her head, swallowing around the lump in her throat. "But you will. It's going to take a while. There are still somedays that I don't want to get out of bed. You do it though because my mom and your dad would not want us to spend the rest of our lives mourning them."

"You're the only person who didn't say you were sorry for my loss," Jax said simply. His voice was hoarse from crying.

"Because I hate that. They're not really sorry. It's just what you say," Tara explained. She crossed her arms over her chest and remembered how much that used to anger her after her mother passed.

"Did you see my mom and Clay?" Jax asked, changing the subject. He didn't want to talk about his father right now.

Tara cringed quickly. She had noticed them, but she was hoping Jax hadn't. They were getting cozy during the funeral. Tara thought Gemma would have at least let herself grieve before running into the arms of another man. That was Gemma though. She was nothing without family.

"Yeah..." Tara said. Her voice trailing off. She wasn't sure what Jax wanted her to say. She didn't know how to make this better.

"She didn't even hide the fact that she was bedding Clay while she was married," He sighed and smacked his palm against the mattress.

The room fell silent. Tara knew they were getting cozy now, but she had no idea that Clay and Gemma were having an affair while John Teller was alive. Her mouth fell open and she quickly clamped it shut.

"I caught them once. In the clubhouse apartment. My mom begged me not to tell," He admitted. "I think my dad knew though."

Tara was speechless. She wanted to give Jax words of wisdom, but she didn't have any to offer in this situation. Gemma and Clay... John and Clay were best friends. How could he sleep with his friend's wife? Tara turned the idea over and over in her head, but could not process it.

"Remember when I told you I wanted to stay here? Because I couldn't leave the club?" Jax asked. He turned his head and looked at Tara through the darkness.

She didn't move. She didn't want to meet his eye and risk him seeing the mixed emotions on her face. "Yeah," She said.

"That was when I thought the club was about brotherhood. Now members are bedding other members old ladies. This wasn't what my father started all those years ago. This isn't what he wanted," Jax sighed and dragged his hand down his face. "I wanna get out of Charming, too."

Tara's eyes got wide. She never thought she would hear Jax say the words. The idea of running away from Charming was tempting, but she knew she had to wait. She had to do her best to keep Jax here, too at least for a few years anyway. "I want to leave, too. More than anything, but we can't runaway. We need to finish high school and see where we are then."

"I thought you wanted to go," He pleaded. Obviously, he wanted out now.

"I do, but not yet. We can't runaway like your mother did. It will crush her. She needs family," Tara explained. She sucked in a deep breath and hoped that would satisfy him.

Jax nodded, then rolled his head back to look up at the ceiling again. "When we're eighteen, we're out."

Tara sighed with relief. She knew that Jax was mad at his mother, but she also knew that his love for her would always win. He'd never intentionally hurt her. "We're gone. I promise." Tara whispered, then slowly drifted off to sleep beside Jax.

* * *

**These were the hardest chapters to write! I didn't know how I wanted Jax to perceive his father's death because in the show he is so torn on what kind of person his father was. Well, I hope you enjoyed this. Leave reviews and let me know what you think! **


	7. Growing Up and Growing Apart (Edited)

**A few of the reviewers pointed out the cell phone and texting that was part of this chapter. I am sorry about that. Texting and cell phones are so much a part of our daily lives that it slipped my mind that they wouldn't have them when Tara and Jax were growing up. I edited that part to be more reasonable to the time period. I'll post the next chapter shortly.**

* * *

Jax was in a downward spiral. In the months since John's accident he was rebelling. He was hanging around with different girls everyday. Usually, they were the sluts of Charming High School. When they were home Tara barely saw him because he jetted off to the clubhouse as soon as his backpack hit the floor. He stood outside the chapel, trying to hear what was going on when they had church.

Gemma hadn't seemed to notice. She was too busy with Clay. Tara was beginning to think they were the reason behind Jax's current state. She knew the sight of them together only made him angrier.

* * *

Gemma was downstair banging around in the kitchen. The scent of whatever homemade meal she was making had wafted upstairs. Tara breathed in the smell and smiled. Gemma was a good cook, Tara was never disappointed when it came to dinner. She was locked up in her room, stationed behind her desk. Without Jax around a lot there wasn't much for her to do. She spent a lot of her free time doing homework or reading.

The back door swung open then slammed shut. Jax's familiar footsteps began trudging up the steps. Tara ran to her door and watched as he stomped into his room. She followed him, flopping down on the bed next to him.

"What's going on?" She asked, rolling her head to the side. She took in the view of his profile. He was growing up. At nearly sixteen, his shoulders were wider and his jaw was becoming more chiseled everyday.

Jax kept his eyes on the ceiling. He sucked in a deep breath before finally meeting her gaze. "Nothing, really. They're just making arrangements for another run. The Irish want the new shipment of guns by the end of the week."

Tara nodded. She loved the way Jax's eyes lit up whenever he spoke about the club. She recalled their conversation a few months early. It was in this very same spot that she had promised him they would runaway together. Now, the enthusiasm in his voice proved that he would never leave. "What about school? Any new lady friends?" There was a teasing tone to her voice, but underneath she was serious. She would never admit it, but there was a part of her that ached with jealous whenever she saw Jax locking lips with another girl on the school steps.

There was a pause before Jax answered. "I was playing the field for a while, but I really like Sophia Leonard. I caught feelings," A smile spread across his face as he pictured the short little blonde with the tight body. "I want to ask her out soon." Tara's eyes widened. She had to grip the sheets to keep herself from flinging upright. Jax interpreted her reaction wrong. He let out a chuckle. "Me? A girlfriend? I know, it's weird. But I really like her."

Tara forced a smile on her face and nodded. "I didn't think you had it in you, Teller." She used her usual sarcastic tone, but her chest ached.

Before the conversation could go any further Gemma's voice interrupted their thoughts. "Dinner!" She called, her voice traveling up the stairs along with a delicious smell. Jax, always hungry, swung his legs over the edge of the bed and was out the door within seconds. Tara's own stomach growled and she followed close behind.

* * *

Lately, since Gemma had become 'public' with Clay, dinners had been nearly silent. Jax was cordial to his mother and he never disrespected her, but there was tension between the two of them. This dinner was no exception. The only noise was the occasional scraping of a fork against a plate. Gemma had made her infamous meatloaf with mashed potatoes. Tara was savoring the taste before the guys came over later and devoured the leftovers.

"So, Tara," Gemma began, breaking the silence. "You have a big birthday coming up."

She was referring to Tara's sixteenth birthday that was less than a month away. Tara simply nodded and ducked her head. She hated celebrating her birthday. Being the center of attention was never her thing. In fact, she had been trying to avoid the subject of her birthday. But as she swallowed a bite of meatloaf and looked across the table at Gemma, she could see the gleam in her eye and the gears grinding in her mind.

Without any prompting from Tara, Gemma continued. "Sixteen is a big one. I always wanted a sweet sixteen, but my parents' never threw one for me. I nagged them for months, then told myself it was going to be a surprise. I was so disappointed the day of my birthday." Tara nodded politely and smiled around the sip of water she had just taken. "So, I've been thinking. We should throw you a sweet sixteen. We can use the clubhouse and all of yours and Jax's classmates can come."

"Oh no," Tara shook her head. "I wouldn't want you to go out of your way. It's only a birthday. We can do something small."

Gemma clucked her tongue and shook her head at the same time. "No way, if you live in my house. You're having a sweet sixteen." She rubbed her hands together and smiled. "I'll start planning it tomorrow. It's going to be the best party your school has ever seen."

The smile on Gemma's face was genuine. It was the most genuine one Tara had seen since John Teller's death. She hated to be the one to diminish it. So, Tara simply nodded and smiled. She silently agreed to a sweet sixteen. Jax was leaning over his nearly empty dish. His lips were pressed tight together, suppressing a laugh. He knew Tara was going to die of embarrassment when she was forced to be the center of everyone's focus.

* * *

Tara was sitting at the dining table. She had already eaten the toast and eggs Gemma had made and cleared her place. Now, she was staring at the empty table, with her messenger bag strung across her body. Jax was still upstairs. Probably in front of the mirror, doing his hair or trying on his sixth flannel shirt. Tara sighed and stood up, scraping the chair against the wood floor. Jax was always making her late. "Jax! Let's go!"

A few minutes later Jax appeared at the bottom of the stairs. He looked the same as he always did. Flannel shirt, white t-shirt, baggy jeans, and white Nikes. Tara rolled her eyes. She shoved his backpack at his chest and started for the back door.

The school bell rang as Tara and Jax made their way up the building's front steps. Great. They were late. Tara sighed and began speed walking toward her locker. Sophia Leonard was waiting by Jax's locker. She was wearing a skimpy denim skirt and a tight tank top that barely covered her mid drift. Revealing a thick slab of her toned stomach. Tara rolled her eyes for the second time that morning. She tried to make her way past the girl, but Jax grabbed her arm.

"Hey, listen...if Mrs. Gates asks I'm sick?" He asked.

Tara looked at him with disbelief. He was going to skip class to be with Sophia? And he was asking her to cover for him? She sighed, her eyes dancing between Sophia and Jax before nodding. A huge smile spread across Jax's face. He winked at Tara and mouthed his thanks.

* * *

Opie had skipped classes, too. He was probably hanging around the clubhouse or sitting at home in front of a TV set. Without him and Jax, Tara was alone. When the lunch bell rang, she didn't jump out of her seat like the rest of the kids. Instead, she took her time gathering her books and standing up.

The lunch room was packed with the rush of students excited for a break from classes. Tara stepped inside and was immediately hit with the smell of fried food and the buzz of happy chatter. Food was flying, kids were laughing, and people were shuffling along with their trays. Their normal table was empty because neither Jax nor Opie were sitting there. Tara sighed and made her way over to it. She was not looking forward to eating alone.

Half a sandwich remained and her water bottle had already been drained of it's contents. Tara was eating slowly. She had pulled out a paperback book and was reading it in an effort to distract herself from her loneliness. Ten minutes before the lunch bell was scheduled to leave a familiar booming voice sounded behind Tara. "Hey, Tara."

She swiveled around on the bench and was face to face with Matthew Goode. He was a senior, but had been Charming High's starting quarterback for the last three years. The town's only claim to fame. He was going to Notre Dame next year after turning down over half a dozen scholarship offers.

If Sophia Leonard was the school's hottest girl, then Matthew Goode was the school's hottest guy. He was nearly six and a half feet tall with the thick, chiseled muscles of a skilled football player. He had thick, wavy jet black hair with hypnotizing emerald eyes. He smiled down at Tara and she nearly fainted at the sight of his dimples.

Tara had no idea Matt knew she existed, let alone knew her name. She looked up at him with wide eyes. She opened and closed her mouth, but each time nothing came out. Finally, she swallowed and found her voice. "Hi, Matt." She replied. Her voice came out small and she stuttered slightly.

Matt sauntered around the table and took a seat across from her. The one usually reserved for Jax. His eyes swept the lunch room quickly before landing on Tara again. "What your body guards aren't in today?"

Tara chuckled. Jax and Opie towered over her. It probably looked strange to see the three of them walking around school together. They were attached at the hip and everyone knew it. "No, they're out."

Matt nodded and offered Tara another one of his dimple-framed smiles. "Good, because when they're here it's hard to talk to you." He leaned forward and lowered his head. "And pretty girls like you need to be talked to."

The pick up line was awkward and weird, but Tara didn't seem to notice. Matt Goode had called her pretty and that was the only thing that mattered. She stared up at him with a dreamy expression and forced a nervous laugh past her lips. "Well, thank you."

Matt waved off the gratitude like it was unnecessary. A mischievous smile danced across his lips. "Hey, listen. The bell is gonna ring soon," He nodded toward the clock hanging on the wall above the cafeteria doors. "But I still want to talk to you. What's your number, so I can call you?"

Tara nodded and quickly pulled out a piece of paper from her bag. She scribbled the Teller's house number across it in her loopy handwriting, then slipped it across the table. Matt read over it once before folding it into his pocket. "Cool. I'll call you later."

* * *

After school, Tara dropped her backpack by the front door and sauntered into the living. She flopped down in the armchair and sighed. The sound of smacking lips caught her attention. Jax and Sophia were sitting on the love seat across from her. She was straddling him and their tongues were visibly mingling. Jax's hands were lost under her shirt and every once and a while a moan escaped her lips. Gross. This is what they skipped school to do? Tara jumped up and fled the room before they were aware of her presence.

Tara locked herself in the bathroom her and Jax shared. She turned on the faucet, letting the bath tub fill with warm water. After the mirror was covered in steam and the air around her was thick she stripped naked and climbed into the tub. The boiling water felt wonderful on her muscles. She sunk down until the waterline grazed her chin, then closed her eyes. It took her only a moment before she remembered Matt's words. 'Cool, I'll call you later.' She jumped up out of the bathtub and wrapped a towel around herself before darting out of the bathroom. She changed quickly into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, then clamored down the stairs. She stationed herself at the phone, waiting for it to ring.

A half hour later, Tara was resting her head against the top, where Gemma kept the phone. A high pitched ringing noise had her shooting up in her seat. She grabbed the receiver instantly. "Hello," She said. Matt's voice replied with a similar greeting. Butterflies fluttered wildly around Tara's stomach and a huge grin appeared on her face.

* * *

Over the next few days Matt and Tara had not stopped talking. They ate lunch together, spent time together after school driving around in his Jeep Wrangler, and stayed up late talking on the phone. Tara was enjoying the attention. With Jax and Opie constantly by her side not many boys approached her. When it came time to write the guest list for her sweet sixteen, Tara was sure to add Matt's name, much to Jax's dismay. He was weary about their growing relationship.

Other than the guest list Tara shrunk into the background. She let Gemma take over with plans for the big sweet sixteen bash she was throwing. Her and Jax laid low. Their common hatred of the materialistic party brought them closer together than they had been in weeks and Tara was grateful for that. Although Jax was still going on about Sophia. The gleam in his eye when he said her name was unmistakable, but the smile was forced. Tara wondered whether or not he was just 'liking' her because he wanted to score the hottest girl in school.

* * *

The sun was setting, disappearing behind the horizon. A cool wind was breezing around the compound. The night was only beginning. Motorcycles were coming and going, the roar of their engines piercing the air. The mechanics were rolling under cars and bulky metal tools were clanking together.

The wooden swing set was older now. The wood was nearly rotted through and the swings had a thin layer of red rust covering them. It had weathered many storms, but it was still standing. Jax and Tara still hung around on it while they were at the clubhouse together.

Tara was rocking slowly back and forth on the swing. Jax was lying on his back at her feet, staring up at the sky, which was slowly fading into brilliant oranges and pinks. Tara cleared her throat. "So, Sophia?" She asked. She was hoping to find out if her theory was true.

Jax chuckled. He lifted his head slightly to get a better look at his friend. "Why are you jealous?" There was a teasing glint in his eye. Tara felt her face pale and then turn a bright shade of red. She automatically shook her head, to dispel the accusation.

"No...I was just wondering," Her voice came out rushed and she stuttered slightly. "She's bad news, Jax. She doesn't deserve someone like you."

He shook his head and laughed again. He gestured to the expanse of the clubhouse. "Tara, I'm the son of an MC president. There's not much I can offer the world. The only girls I'm going to get are the Sophia Leonards of the world."

Tara shook her head. Something inside her chest broke. She never knew Jax felt that way about himself. He always seemed so confident. So sure. "That's not true."

Jax nodded. He laid back down, not looking Tara in the eye. "Yeah, it is." There was a moment of silence. Each of them stared up at the beautiful sky. "Besides. If you're not jealous. It shouldn't matter." Jax's teasing tone was back. It was Tara's cue to drop the subject. She kicked her scuffed sneakers at the ground, keeping her eyes downcast. "So, Matt?" Jax asked, breaking the silence.

She turned red again and was careful to keep her eyes downward. "What about him?"

Jax rolled his eyes. He popped up on an elbow and stared at Tara. "He's a senior, Tara. He's only trying to get into bed with you." Jax said, like it should have been obvious. "Plus, he's a total scum bag. He treats girls like shit."

There was an unmistakable note of jealousy in Jax's voice. Tara smirked at him, letting the smile play across her lips before continuing. "Are you jealous?"

"No," Jax replied not skipping a beat. "I just worry about you."

Tara nodded, but her expression oozed sarcasm. She quickly recovered from her joke to touch on Jax's last statement. "You don't treat girls much better," She countered, feeling obligated to defend Matt. He'd been nothing but nice to her. "You sleep with them left and right with no regard for their feelings."

Tension swirled between the two of them. Jax shook his head. His mouth was a tightly mashed line. "It's different." Was his only explanation.

Tara leaned forward and let a humorless laugh escape her lips. "How?" She shook her head, letting her dark hair whip across her face. "How is Matt playing girls and you playing girls different?"

Jax jumped up, clearly unable to control his rage. He as towering over Tara as he stepped forward. "Because I don't force girls to do things they don't want to."

Tara's face paled as she realized what Jax was accusing. Tears stung the corners of her eyes. She shook her head in an attempt to stop them. "Matt isn't like that." She immediately denied.

Jax's tightly pressed lips pulled into a straight line. He nodded his head and let out a sigh. "Believe me or don't, Tara. Just be careful, please. I don't want you getting hurt."

Gemma had a completely different concept of Matt. She was constantly asking Tara to invite him over for dinner or to hang out at the club. Matt had been the perfect gentleman, showing no signs forcefulness. Jax had been distant toward Tara. He wanted no part of her since her relationship with Matt was getting stronger.

* * *

"Happy Birthday!" Gemma and Jax's voices woke Tara from her deep sleep. They were standing over her bed holding a platter of eggs, bacon, and toast with a bouquet of brightly color balloons.

Tara smiled. She hadn't been able to really enjoy her last few birthdays, but she was ready to this year. Gemma positioned the pillows behind her so she could sit up comfortably, then Jax placed her breakfast on her lap. "Thank you, guys." Gemma sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes grew animated as she began going on about the party. After she left Tara turned to Jax who smiled.

"Just show up at seven," He advised. Tara nodded and then dug into her homemade breakfast.

* * *

**Hope everyone enjoys the chapter! Leave reviews! The next chapter will be up shortly. **


	8. Sweet Sixteen

**I'm posting two chapters in one day because the other one was just a simple edit. I hope you enjoy this one! **

* * *

Tara's sweet sixteen was in full swing. Gemma had outdone herself. Customized hot pink and zebra print 'Happy Birthday, Tara' banners were hanging from the ceiling and tacked to the exposed walls. A rainbow of balloons were scattered throughout the room, weighed down with tiny 'T' figurines. The few tables surrounding the makeshift dance floor had beautifully decorated vases with a bouquet of flowers as their centerpieces.

Gemma had rented strobe lights for the special occasion. The room was dimly lit , the main source of light was the periodical blinking they projected. Music was blasting from the speakers set up around the clubhouse. It made the building pulsate as though it were alive. Teenagers were slivering and grinding on the dance floor to the fast beat of the music. Sweat glistened on their foreheads, but no one seemed to notice. Each of them were wearing a smile. Others were stationed at the bar. They were sipping ice cream floats or picking at the array of homemade food Gemma had heating up over sterno cans.

Tara hadn't seen Jax in over a half hour. Sophia had come and the two of them disappeared. Tara made her way through the party, greeting each guest per Gemma's request. She kept a look out for Matt, letting her eye wander the room each time she leaned in to hug one of her classmates. Finally, she found him. He was slumped on the couch against the far wall. He looked uncomfortable surrounded by all of the underclassmen.

"Hey you," Tara said with a wide grin. She was so happy he showed up. These weren't his friends, so she didn't expect him to actually come. She sunk down onto his lap and placed a lingering kiss on his mouth.

"Hey," Matt replied. His expression perked up a little after seeing Tara. He leaned in and kissed her again. This time he pulled her bottom lip between his and dragged his teeth slowly across it. Tara pulled away. Her cheeks were flushed a dark red. She scanned the room, hoping not too many people had watched. Most of the other guests' attention was diverted. "Wanna go somewhere more private?" Matt asked, interrupting Tara's thoughts.

Her eyes immediately landed on Gemma. She felt bad leaving the party, but she hadn't asked for it. Tara glanced back at Matt with his big green eyes and dark hair. She bit her lip. It was hot...and she would be lying if she said she wasn't in the mood for a good make out session... "Okay," She finally replied. Tara jumped to her feet and led Matt around the tightly crammed bodies until they were outside.

The shock of cool air felt good against Tara's sticky skin. The two of them found a quieter place behind the boxing ring, where they were covered by the dark shadows of the night sky. Tara leaned in, breathing in the scent of Matt's cologne. It was woodsy and made her head spin.

Matt leaned in to kiss Tara. She pulled away. A teasing smile on her lips. They played this game for a minute before Matt became more forceful. He backed Tara against the brick wall a few feet away and pressed his lips to hers. They stayed like that, their tongues dancing in a perfect harmony before Matt started advancing. He slid his hand under Tara's thin tank top. She felt awkward, with his big, calloused hands groping her, but she remained silent.

Matt was two years older than her. He was experienced. He expected these kinds of things to happen while he was making out with girls. Tara wanted him to continue liking her. She didn't want to be the scared little girl that pushed him away each time he tried to take it further. Which is why, when his hand slowly made it's way down her stomach and began working at the button on her jeans, she said nothing.

He pushed his hand into the lacy band of her thong. Then he undid his own pants. The bulge in his boxers was released, rubbing against Tara's bare stomach. She had her back pressed against the wall with no escape. She pulled her mouth away from his and shook her head vigorously. "Not yet, Matt."

Matt stared at her with a confused expression for a moment. "What do you mean 'not yet?'"

Tara tried not to look down at her and Matt's exposed body parts as she motioned to the space between the two of them. "I'm not ready..." She let her voice trail off, hoping Matt understood what she meant.

Matt's face became dark and clouded. Anger was written prominently across his features. "I'm Matt Goode..." He started through clenched teeth. "You'd be luck to sleep with me." Tara and Matt were nose to nose. She could smell the alcohol on his breath. She rolled her head to the side to avoid his lips, but it was too late. They were already on hers, crushing her head to the wall.

Tara pulled away again, pressing her hands against Matt's toned chest. "No, I don't want this," She said breathlessly. She tried to side step Matt, scaling the wall. She didn't get far before Matt wrapped his hands around the tops of her arms, anchoring her in place. The brick was digging into her skin as he pushed her further against the wall. She pressed her mouth together in a tight line in an attempt to fight off his forceful efforts.

With brutal force he took Tara's body and threw her to the ground as though she weighed no more than a feather. Her head landed against the concrete with a loud crack. Pain instantly flooded her skull. Matt lowered himself over her. He used one hand to hold her in place and the other to work her jeans down over her hips.

Despite the pain in her head Tara began squirming. She knew that her screams wouldn't be heard over the chaos inside, but she screamed anyway. "Help...help!" Her voice was growing weaker with each word. Her legs were kicking at lightening speed in an attempt to free herself. Her reckless motions only made Matt angrier. He pulled his fist back and punched her right in the eye. Her head lolled to the side, but she forced herself to remain conscious. A little voice in her head told her she could win this.

Pain seared from between her thighs and a grunt escaped from Matt's lips. He moved awkwardly above her, his huge, sweaty body rubbing against her. His hands were holding her head in place as he showered her with rough, sloppy kisses. Her skin was chafing against the ground, leaving bloody scrapes on her bare skin.

Tara pinched her eyes closed and forced her mind to wander. She put herself in a happy place. On the beach with her mother. They were making sandcastles by the water's edge. A cool breeze blew, ruffling her dark hair and taking away some of the sun's heat. Sandra was smiling and she had a healthy glow about her.

"What the hell are you doing?" A familiar voice broke through Tara's thoughts. Then Matt's weight was gone and Tara was free. She slowly opened her eyes to see Jax. He was holding Matt up to the same brick wall Tara had just been pressed against. Jax was pounding his fist against Matt's face. "You don't touch her. You don't come near her again. You so much as think about her. I find you and we do this all over again." He threatened, landing a blow just above Matt's right eye. It connected to his skull with a crack that echoed off the clubhouse.

Matt was drunk, but not drunk enough to give up. He swung blindly, punching Jax in the gut. Jax grabbed at his stomach and backed away from the older boy. Without Jax's support Matt crumpled to the floor. Tara instinctively scooted backwards. With each movement her body cried out in pain.

Jax recovered quickly. Tara watched in horror as he pinned Matt to the ground and punched him square in the face. There was an ear splitting sound as the cartilage in Matt's nose broke. Then his huge form went limp. His head rolled the the side against the concrete.

Jax looked from the lifeless body in his arms to a terrified Tara only a few feet away. He crawled across the ground, closing the small distance between them. Tara immediately crumpled against Jax's chest and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her there. She had been in shock, but now that she was safe in Jax's arms she let herself cry. The tears came quickly, making wet trails down her cheeks. Her body rocked uncontrollably with sobs.

"Shh," Jax soothed. "I'm here," He reminded her, smoothing down her dark hair. Tara buried her head further into the hollow under his arm and let the tears soak through his flannel shirt. Jax pulled her back and planted a kiss against her forehead, keeping his lips pressed against her skin for a second longer than necessary. "It's okay," He promised.

* * *

It took Tara almost a half hour before she could compose herself. Jax sat with her the whole time. She remained wrapped in his arms while she cried herself dry. When she finally stopped crying and her body stilled, she pulled away and slowly brought herself to a standing position. Jax followed her. He held her at arms length while he examined the damage. His face contorted in different angry expressions as he looked at her torn clothes. "That piece of shit," He muttered under his breath. His blue eyes swept over Matt, who was just beginning to open his eyes. Jax turned back to Tara, stripping off his flannel and handing it to her, so she could cover her ripped clothes. Then he slipped his hand in hers and began leading her toward the clubhouse entrance.

Tara dug her heels into the ground to stop their forward motion. Jax turned around, his face a mask of confusion. Tara shook her head vigorously. She didn't trust her voice. When Jax continued to stare at her, she cleared her throat. "I don't want to go inside," She explained.

There were over sixty people inside. They were all pressed against each other, touch, grinding. Tara cringed at the thought. Her skin was burning and her body ached. She couldn't stomach the idea of other people rubbing against her as she and Jax made their way through the clubhouse.

Jax's face fell in an expression of sympathy. He pulled Tara against his chest and kissed the side of her head. "You don't have to," He promised. "I'll go in and get Gemma."

Tara shook her head vigorously. Her lip quivered with new impending tears. Her eyes darted from Jax's blue ones to the building behind him before finally landing on Matt. "Don't leave me," She pleaded. She hated how weak she sounded. Chibs walked out with a cigarette between his lips as Tara finished her sentence. He took in her distressed state and Matt lying on the floor. He had started groaning and grabbing at his head, but neither Jax nor Tara rushed to his aid.

"Shit, Jackie boy. What happened?" Chibs asked, his eyes widened with shock. He turned his gaze to focus on Jax, waiting for an explanation.

"Not important," Jax replied. He nodded toward the clubhouse. "Go get my mom." Chibs gaged Jax's lack of authority against the apparent seriousness of the situation. He ducked inside without another word.

* * *

Gemma had come outside and nearly passed out when Jax replayed the story. Tara felt sick to her stomach as she was forced to relive the situation again. Her, Gemma, and Jax were sitting at the picnic table. Tara was curled into Jax, resting her head against his shoulder. Gemma was enraged. She looked as though she was going to kill Matt herself. Her eyes burned with pure anger.

"Take her home," Gemma ordered. "I'll have Dr. Walker meet you there." Tara shivered at the mention of a doctor's name. She didn't want anyone touching her intimately for the rest of her life. Then Gemma nodded toward Matt's squirming form. "I'll have Bobby and Chibs take care of him."

Nothing felt real. Tara felt as though she was watching her life hrough a screen. Like this was actually a movie and she should be sympathetic toward the young starlet playing the rape victim. After Matt had forced himself on her, the world seemed to be moving in slow motion. She felt stiff and sore, like she had just worked out too much. She wanted to curl up in a ball and wait until time could heal her pain.

* * *

After Tara had tearfully explained the news of her mother's terminal illness Sandra had asked Jax to do one simple thing. "I need you to watch out for Tara. I mean after I'm gone. You're her best friend, Jax. You have to protect her. You have your head screwed on straight. Make sure she doesn't lose her way. Chase off any guys that aren't good enough for her." Jax had thought about the promise he made her everyday since she passed.

Now he was sitting on the wood floor in the hallway outside of Tara's bedroom. She was inside with Dr. Walker getting her injuries examined. She had looked at Jax with terrified eyes and clung to him while the doctor led her away. Jax could do nothing but pry her off with promises of being in the hallway when she was finished. He was fighting off tears as he sat propped up against the wall remembering the promise he made Sandra.

When Matt walked into Tara's life Jax knew the kid was bad news. He should have ended their relationship there. Tara didn't want to listen, so he should've have went to Matt. Threatened him. Hit him. Whatever he had to do to get rid of him. He didn't. Now he was sitting here, listening to Tara's muffled sobs through the door as her sexual assault injuries were examined by the club's shot doc.

The doctor gave Tara a good report. There were a few small tears and bruising, lacerations on her back and around her mouth. She was going to have a black eyes and her head had a small cut, but there was no concussion. He gave her permission to shower then collected his supplies. Jax escorted Dr. Walker to the door while Tara showered. The doctor instructed Jax to monitor Tara and call immediately if there were signs of a concussion. Then he told the younger boy to ice Tara's head and eye. Twenty minutes on twenty minutes off.

* * *

The hot water pelted down against Tara's pale skin, turning it a dark shade of red. She bowed her head under the faucet, letting the water sooth her. The best that it could. In the shower, her tears mixed with the running water and the sound drowned out her cries. She scrubbed at her skin until it was raw. Then waited a few minutes and scrubbed again. She still felt dirty. Her skin was crawling as though there were a hundred bugs on her. No amount of soap and water could shake the feeling.

After her shower she changed into a pair of baggy sweatpants and a loose fitting t-shirt. Then she stared at herself in the mirror on the back of her closet door. Even under the baggy clothes she could still see the places that Matt touched with his hands or where his skin rubbed against hers. She cringed, but couldn't look away. Her skin seemed paler and her body weaker. She wanted to runaway or hide forever. A million thoughts raced through her head. She only wanted her mind to silence and her nerve endings to stop working, for there to be no more voices in her head or pain under her skin.

A light knock made her turn around. Jax was standing in the doorway, leaning against the white frame. His face was a mixed mask of anger and sympathy. Tara couldn't stomach the idea of being touched by anyone...she had cringed and cried when Dr. Walker examined her, but the thought of being held by Jax soothed her. Maybe because he was the one that found her or maybe because he was her best friend. All she knew was that she needed to be close to him. Jax opened his arms and Tara willingly folded herself into them. She nestled her head into the hollow at his neck. He kissed the top of her head and simply stood there, in the middle of her bedroom holding Tara's fragile form.

* * *

Tara had begged Jax to sleep in her room that night. She didn't want to be alone. Although she was positive Matt would never come for her again, the fear still crippled her. Jax obliged. He pulled down her blankets and helped her climb into bed before following close behind. Tara hadn't said much. She mostly stared blankly at the wall. Jax didn't force her to speak and didn't react when she randomly cried. Instead, he held her against his chest and wiped her tears when they came. He spent the entire night raining kisses down on her head and rubbing soothing circles on her back.

Jax never slept that night. He laid in Tara's bed feeling her warmth in his arms. He was so happy she was okay. The moments at the clubhouse came rushing back to him. Sophia had insisted the two of them go out to the swing set, probably to have sex. While they were fooling around Jax heard cries. The sound was nearly all, but drowned out by the music blasting inside the clubhouse. He left Sophia on the grass under the swings to investigate. That's when he found her.

Matt's disgusting body was moving over Tara's limp one. Jax's body went into overdrive. His heart pounded against his chest, threatening to jump out of his skin and his palms were slick with sweat. He managed to pull Matt off of Tara. Her body remained unmoving, but the rage that overcame Jax was powerful. He couldn't stop. The punches kept coming.

Then Tara sat up. Her eyes popped open. The relief that overcame Jax when he saw Tara conscious and moving couldn't be described. He felt like he was going to fall over and weep tears of joy. The tightness in his chest was released, then the desire to have her in his arms, to be positive she was okay overcame him.

Jax pulled her tighter against his chest and placed a kiss on her temple. He was thankful she was there. Thankful that she was alive. He had made it in time. And Matt was going to get what he deserved. Chibs and Bobby were probably showing no mercy. He didn't deserve any. Jax grit his teeth together to fight off the rage at the thought of Matt.

The sun was slowly making it's way higher into the sky when Jax finally drifted off to sleep. Tara was clutched in his arms. He knew she had a long, emotional battle ahead of her. He made a silent vow to himself to be there for her no matter what.

* * *

**Originally, I planned on making this fic a one shot including only this chapter. It was later on that I decided to base an entire fic around it. Well, I hope you enjoy it! Leave reviews and let me know what you think! **


	9. Chasing the Nightmares

Violated. Inadequate. Weak. These feelings circled around in Tara's head. She felt dark and unwanted, like she would contaminate anyone she touched. It had been a week since the incident and she refused to leave her room. The door was locked and she was curled up on her bed, wearing the same gray, hooded sweatshirt and baggy, black sweatpants that she changed into after...that night. No showers, she barely ate and refused to talk to Jax when he knocked on her door.

"Tara?" His deep familiar voice drifted in from the hallway. Tara wanted to run out of bed and into his arms. The need to bury her face in his neck and let out her pent up tears was overwhelming. Instead, she pulled her blanket up over her head, blocking out all of the light in the room. She didn't want to see Jax. She was damaged and dark. He didn't deserve that. Jax was grieving the loss of his father and trying to fill the void of his little brother. Tara's baggage wasn't something he needed.

"Go away," She mumbled in the direction of the door. The hallway fell silent for a moment. Tara counted her victory. He left before even trying again. He must've been getting tired of her pushing him away.

"No," Jax said abruptly. His tone was defiant. Tara knew he was serious. "I'm not going anywhere." Tara didn't answer. She simply listened as he shifted in the hallway, getting comfortable on the other side of the door. "I'm going to sit right here, until you decide to come out." He was quiet again for a moment, then he continued. "You can't do this anymore, Tara. I won't let you destroy yourself."

Tara stayed right where she was. Even when Jax complained that he was hungry, that he was missing school or that he could really use a shower. This was his choice. Not hers. Then she realized if the situation were reversed, she would do whatever she could to make Jax better. Including sitting in the hallway, until he gave into his stubbornness.

She slipped off the bed and made her way to the door. "Fine," She said against the wood. She swung it open and Jax fell backwards, landing on her feet.

Jax looked pissed at first. He was lying on his back against the hardwood floor. Then his blue eyes softened and he looked up at her as though it was his first time seeing her in years. A huge smile cracked over his face and he scrambled to his feet, pulling Tara tight against his chest in a hug.

She immediately protested, but Jax paid no attention to her. He kept her close, rubbing soothing circles on her back. He kissed the side of her head and let a soft chuckle land over her dark locks. He pulled back, holding her at an arm's length, while he examined her frumpy attire. "I love you, Tara. I'm so happy you're interacting with people again. But you need to shower. You smell like shit."

Tara wanted to be offended. She even tried to force a hurt look on her face, but her facade quickly crumpled. She shook her head and let a laugh escape her lips. She missed Jax and his piercing blue eyes. She missed his honesty and how he had no fear of hurting her with it. She pushed passed him and into the bathroom.

* * *

"She's downstairs!" Jax said in a booming voice. He clapped obnoxiously, the sound echoing off the kitchen walls.

Tara chuckled, her cheeks turning a bright red. Her wet hair fell like a curtain around her face. She had to admit she did feel better now that she was clean. She had even put on a pair of leggings and a new tee shirt, ditching the baggy clothes.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Jax asked, jumping up from his seat at the kitchen table.

Tara's stomach grumbled in reply. But her nose scrunched at the thought of Jax cooking. He could do a lot of things, but cooking wasn't one of them. She walked passed him, pushing him back into his seat in the process. "Eggs? Bacon? Taylor ham? And cheese?" She asked as she bent over a cabinet to pull out pots and pans.

Jax licked his lips and rubbed at his stomach. "Sounds perfect." He was just happy Tara was out of her room and functioning. Although he didn't blame her for locking herself in there. Whenever he thought of that night, fury flooded his veins. He wished he had been table to kill Matt, but he slept soundly knowing Bobby and Chibs took care of it. They had deciding that killing the town's star football player wouldn't look good for the club. They roughed him up real well though. He won't ever be able to play football again. And if he tells anyone who did it to him, he's dead.

* * *

Tara wanted to pretend she was okay. She thought that if she pretended long enough maybe she would actually be okay someday. After finally leaving her room and letting Jax in, she started going to school again. That was as adventurous as she got. She went from school, straight home. Jax was never far behind, he followed her around, making sure Matt was never near.

In the time following the incident, he rarely went out. He had dropped his entourage of girls completely.

On the weekends, they stayed in, watching movies or baking cookies. At night when she woke up screaming, Jax was the first person there. He crawled into bed next to her and held her close, whispering sweet things in her ear until she drifted off to sleep. His worry for Tara made him sick sometimes. He didn't know what to do to make her better.

* * *

Thirty days. It had been a whole thirty days since Matt assaulted Tara. She was slowly making progress, but deep down everyone knew that she would never be exactly the same. He didn't only take her virginity, but her sense of safety and her ability to trust. She thought she had a good judge of character and then he twisted that belief as well.

Jax and Tara were sprawled out on the family room couch. A bowl of popcorn was sitting on the table in front of them. _Dirty Dancing, _Tara's favorite movie, was playing. Jax's arm was around her and she was leaning into his chest, mouthing the words to the movie. Jax laughed to himself. She had seen this movie one too many times. Normally, he complained when she put it in, but not lately. He gladly watched it over and over again because it made her smile.

Johnny and Baby were lying in bed. Their hair was rumpled and the sheets were wrapped around their bodies. They were having an intimate conversation, Jax was vaguely aware of Johnny asking Baby what her real name was, but he was more focused on the way Tara's mouth moved silently around the words. Her full lips were mesmerizing.

He knew she was fragile and that he should resist his urges, but he had been doing so long before Matt violated her. He couldn't stand it anymore. He dipped his head and pressed his lips to Tara's. Her whole body went stiff and her lips stopped moving.. She pushed hard against his chest and he pulled away immediately. Worry filled his eyes. What the hell had he been thinking?

Tara jumped up off the couch, bumping into the table in the process. The popcorn bowl overturned and little pieces of buttered kernels flew everywhere. Jax stepped over them as he followed Tara to her room. She slammed the door in his face. It was like de ja vu.

"Don't do this, Tara," He pleaded, pounding his hand against the door. He wasn't mad at her, only frustrated with himself. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Tara sunk down on her bed, the mattress squeaked under her weight. She pulled her legs up to her chest and began rocking slowly. She was trying to shake the feelings that overcame her. They weren't ones of hurt and disgust, but of longing and desire. She had to run from them because she didn't deserve Jax. He should be with someone who took away his pain. She only added to it.

A series of knocks rained down on her door. She looked up at the block of wood, but didn't speak. Jax cleared his throat and pounded against the door again. "I'm sorry," He said again. His voice sounded hurt, his worry was obvious. "Please come out. I'll never do it again."

Tara wanted him to do it again. She wanted to feel his hands on her body and his lips against hers, taking away the dirt Matt had left behind. Her cheeks burned red just thinking about it. The wall she had put up to keep Jax out was slowly crumpling. She couldn't avoid her feelings anymore.

In one swift motion she slipped off her bed and padded across the room. Jax was standing in the doorway, mid knock when she opened the door. He offered her a weak smile and shrugged. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it..." He shook his head, then let his blue eyes pierce hers. "Actually, I do know why I did it. You're beautiful, Tara. And you get me. You've been there through everything. You've seen me at my worst, but you haven't run," He laughed and shook his head again. His blonde hair flopped around his face. "So, that's why I kissed you. Because I couldn't sit there and not kiss you."

Tara stared at him, letting his words sink in. Jax Teller, her best friend, was standing here, admitting his feelings for her. An involuntary smile cracked over her face. She reached up and smoothed the worry line out of his forehead. "I didn't run because you scared me or because you hurt me. I ran because I'm afraid of hurting you. You've been through a lot in the last few years Jax. I can't ask you to take on my shit, too."

Jax studied her serious expression. Even now, when she seemed so strong, he wanted to pull her close and protect her from everything bad in the world. "Nobody asked me to. I want to. I want to help you, Tara. And you've been through just as much shit. Thomas dying. My dad...they were both your losses, too. Now this..." Jax's voice trailed off, he bit back his anger.

Tara looked at him for a long time, waiting until his anger subsided. Then she closed the distance between them and crushed her lips to his. Jax grabbed her waist and pushed her until her back was pressed against the wall. Tara froze for a moment, remembering how Matt had trapped her between his body and the wall... Jax would never hurt her. She repeated it over and over again in her head until her lips began moving under his again.

Jax didn't push. After a few minutes of kissing, when Tara pulled away and rested her forehead against his, he didn't pressure her to go further. Instead, he guided her to her bed. Then he laid down beside her. Just as they did during sleepovers when they were kids, they talked. Except now, the undying desire to reach over and explore her body was gnawing away at Jax.

"I have wanted to do that for a long time," He admitted. He was laying on his back staring up at the white ceiling. Tara was resting her head on his chest, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. She breathed in his familiar scent and hid her smile against his skin.

Tara remembered all of the girls she had seen Jax with and how jealous it made her. The way her insides turned over whenever she thought about kissing him. Then she reprimanded herself, telling herself that they were best friends. He would never want her like that. "Me too," She admitted.

Jax pulled her closer, enclosing her in the circle of his arms. He leaned down and breathed in her apple scented shampoo. It was such a familiar smell, but suddenly it had become his favorite. He pressed his lips to the side of her head and smiled. "What does this mean?" Tara asked, breaking his train of thought.

He pulled away so he could look into her big, brown eyes. "What does what mean?"

Tara gestured to the space between their chests. Her cheeks burned red, like she was embarrassed that she was asking. "What does this mean?" She asked. "The kissing and the cuddling."

Jax laughed. The vibration of his body against Tara's made her body tingle with even more desire. He stared at her for a moment, trying to decide what exactly it meant to him. Then he sucked in a deep breath and began his explanation. "It means that you're my girlfriend. But you're still my best friend. I love you, Tara. I have loved you my entire life, but somewhere along the line it became a different kind of love," He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as if he was remembering a painful time. "When Matt..." His voice turned into a growl, then trailed off at the end. "When Matt hurt you..." He shook his head, shaking away the memory. "I realized that I never wanted anyone to ever hurt you again. And I also realized that if I had admitted my feelings before that, he would've never gotten close enough to hurt you."

Tara reached for his hand and pulled it away from his nose. She leaned up and placed a gentle kiss on the wrinkles that had formed on his forehead. "It wasn't your fault," She reminded him. "You saved me."

Jax nodded absentmindedly, as if he only half believed what she was saying. "I know, but I still wonder..."

"Don't," Tara breathed. Her brown eyes were still bearing into him. She was still waiting for an answer to her original question.

Jax looked at her for a moment, then turned his attention back to the ceiling. "It means that you're my girlfriend. I'm your boyfriend. I love you. And I'll never let anybody hurt you. Ever again."

Tara sighed a breath of relief. She knew that whether or not they were dating, Jax would have gone to ends of the Earth to protect her. She had to admit to herself that having him on her arm did give back some of the feelings of security that Matt robbed her of. Then, Tara curled up against Jax and drifted, easily, off to sleep. When she woke in the morning, still wrapped in Jax's arms, she realized that it was the first time in a month she hadn't had a nightmare.

* * *

**ENJOY! **


	10. New Fears and Old Nightmares

The shades were drawn, doing their best to block out the sunlight. For the most part, Tara's bedroom was dark. A faint yellowish glow still managed to snake it's way through the cracks, casting shadows on the wooden floors. The smell of pancakes and eggs wafted up the stairs, along with the sounds of bacon sizzling and pots banging together. It was a typical Sunday morning in the Teller household.

Tara woke up to the smell of breakfast tickling her nose. Her back was pressed against Jax's side. The spots of bare skin that he was touching was on fire, electric charges pumping through her body. She rolled over in his arms until her chest was flush against his side. She propped herself up on an elbow and so she could look at him.

The sunlight seeping through the blinds danced across his face. She smiled and reached up to trace his familiar features with her pointer finger. Jax stirred under her touch, his eyes opened slowly. Once they adjusted to the room, he remembered where he was and smiled up at Tara. "Morning," He whispered, his warm breath blew over her face.

She smiled back and ran her finger over his lips. "Good morning," She replied, then reached up to press a kiss to his mouth. It was sweet and simply, like they had done it for fifty years and would continue to do it for another fifty years.

Sensations took over his body that he wasn't used to. Kissing Tara was different than kissing any other girl. It made the pit of his stomach flutter and his pulse speed through his veins. He dragged his hand up her back, feeling the heat of her skin through the thin tank top she was wearing. Then he anchored his hand at the back of her neck, twisting his fingers in her long hair.

Tara smiled against Jax's mouth, when she felt his reaction to their kiss. Her own body was reacting as well. Heat swelled in her belly and between her thighs. She rolled on top of Jax, their chests flush against each other and wrapped her arms around his neck. She dragged her tongue along his bottom lip, then captrued it between her teeth and nipped lightly. "Tara," A soft groan escaped his lips. His hands moved down to circle her waist. He tried to pull away, but Tara pulled herself closer and opened her mouth, allowing his tongue access. Their tongues worked together in a perfect harmony and Tara moaned against his lips.

"Tara! Jax!" Gemma called from downstairs. "Breakfast!" Jax groaned again, but this time there was no pleasure in the sound. He pulled away and flopped his head back against the pillows. Tara rested her forehead against his chin and giggled.

"We better go," Tara said, rolling off of Jax and pulling the sheets off of their bodies. "Cause you know she'll come up here."

Jax groaned again and grabbed at Tara, his fingers registering her waist gently, then slipping off. "Come back," He said with a chuckle.

Tara padded across the floor. She threw a smile at Jax, who was still laying on the bed. It was a mischievous grin. "Keep your pants on, Teller," She shot with a wink.

* * *

It was early November. The temperature in Northern California was dropping. The thermometer on the side of the clubhouse read sixty three degrees. The sun was beating down on the compound. It was pretty quiet around the clubhouse. Not one of the motorcycles was missing from the line that was parked in the lot. The sun reflected off their shiny chrome and helmets swung freely from their handlebars.

It was definitely a lazy day around the clubhouse. Gemma and Clay were posted up at the picnic tables outside. Their heads were bent close together and they were whispering and giggling like teenagers. Chibs and Bobby were sitting at the bar, nursing beers, despite the early hour. Tig was lounged across the couch with a hand thrown over his face to block out the light. Piney and Opie were in an intense game of pool. The sound of the balls clinking together filled the air. Jax and Tara were sitting at the small table in the center of the clubhouse. She was perched on his lap and they were whispering to each other.

"We need to tell them," Tara said, nodding toward the guys in the room. Jax turned his head to survey the space, taking in the different lax positions of each guy. He mashed his lips together as if he was thinking of a reason not to tell them, but came up empty. he met Tara's eye again and nodded, helping her off of his lap before standing up.

Jax pounded a fist into the table twice, capturing the room's attention. Chibs and Bobby swiveled on their bar stools to face them. Tig sat up and looked at the two of them over the back of the couch. Opie and Piney paused the game they were playing, diverting their attention to the young couple. "We have something we want to say..." Jax started slowly, wrapping his arms around Tara's waist from behind. He rested his chin on her shoulder as he waited for her to continue his sentence.

Tara sucked in a deep breath. She looked at the familiar faces staring back at her, waiting for her announcement. "We're dating."

There was a small pause in the room as everyone registered her words. Then there were woops and cheers. Chibs and Opie stepped forward to clap Jax on the back. Tig wrapped Tara in a hug and kissed the side of her head. Piney looked at them, words of wisdom on the tip of his tongue. He hugged them both, telling them that although this was destined to happen, he hoped they would be careful.

* * *

The school bell rang, echoing throughout the hallways. Feet shuffled along the floor and lockers slammed as students made their way to class. Tara, Jax and Opie filed along with the crowd. Jax's hand was threaded through Tara's. When they reached the door of her first period class, English with Mr. Connors, Jax leaned in and pecked her quickly on the lips. "Go to the bathroom in ten minutes," He whispered in her ear with a smile.

Tara nodded and promised she would be there before shuffling inside and taking her seat. Mr. Connors was standing at his podium. He was holding a stack of papers and explaining their next writing assignment. Tara's eyes darted over to look at the clock every couple of minutes, counting down the seconds until she could leave class.

Finally, it was nine ten. Tara raised her hand and quietly asked for the hall pass. She trudged past the watchful eyes of her classmates and made her way out into the hall. That's when she saw him...As she rounded the corner to the bathroom, her eyes landed on his burly frame. He was bent over the water fountain. His big, football player's body seemed awkward hunched over the tiny appliance. Her heart raced in her chest. She tried to back away, but it felt like her feet were cemented to the ground. She forced herself to breath, sucking in each breath and letting it out slowly.

Before she could make her escape, Matt looked up at her. His eyes boring holes into her. She tried to turn, but her feet still wouldn't budge. She became lightheaded like she might faint and reached out to grip the wall for support. He smiled at her, pulling his lips tight across his teeth. His eyes became dark like he was stalking his prey.

"Tara," He nearly growled. "How are you?"

Tara began backing away, finally finding the ability to use her feet. She could hardly hear Matt's voice over the sound of her heart pounding in her chest. Her eyes were wide with fear and her brain was telling her to run, but right now, she didn't know how.

Matt stalked closer to her. He was slightly hunched and his eyes were narrow, he resembled a lion stalking it's prey. Right now, she felt like a defenseless little mouse. One step and she'd be squished. He reached up and dragged the back of his hand across his mouth, wiping the excess water from his mouth. There was no light in his eyes, they were dull and vengeful. An angry red scar ran across the top of his right eye. Probably damage from Chibs' and Bobby's hands. The idea made her shiver.

Memories from that night came crawling back into her mind. The rough way he handled her, the bricks pressed into her back and how his skin on hers made her feel dirty. She shook again, making Matt crack a smile. It wasn't a happy smile. It was dirty. More of a sneer. Tara backed up again, her back pressed up against the cool wall of lockers behind her.

"Matt, I think you should just go. I won't even tell anyone I saw you." Tara said, she hated how weak her voice sounded. She cleared her throat, hoping she'd sound braver next time she spoke.

He cracked another smile, making Tara feel dirty. She wanted to look down, to tear her eyes from his, but she was afraid. In the one second she looked away he could attack her. "Oh, you won't tell?" He purred, stalking forward again. "You won't tell your new boyfriend?" He snickered and came to a stop only inches from Tara. He reached up and dragged his hand down the back of her face. She winced and immediately turned away. "I knew you two would end up together. He's a lucky guy..." His words were slow and he drew each one out. "All that tight...tight pussy. Hopefully, the two pieces of biker trash won't beat the shit out of him after you two fuck...like they did to me." Matt stared Tara dead in the eye, holding her glare. "I'm sure he's already hit it though. You are a slut..."

Tara tried to slip away, scaling along the lockers. His words hit her like a slap to the face and she wanted to get as far from his as possible. Matt pounded his fist into the locker, right next to Tara's head. She jumped, a scream escaped her mouth. Then his hand clamped down on her mouth. "Shut your damn mouth," He growled between clenched teeth. "Tell your little biker buddies that if they touch me again. You're dead..."

Tara's eyes widened and she nodded up at him. "Christ, I can't believe I can have you again.." He murmured under his breath. His eyes slipped closed and he started trailing his hands up Tara's thin cotton shirt. His hands on her flesh again, made her shiver.

Tara wanted to shut down. She wanted to close her mind and hide away in it's darkest corner. But then she would be the same scared little girl that she was when he took her virginity. So, she fought. She rammed her knee up into his groin, causing him to double over in pain. He looked up at her, pure rage bubbled in his features.

It was her only chance. She didn't wait another moment before running down the hallway. Her rubber soled sneakers squeaked against the floor, but she kept going. Then she ran into something hard and strong arms wrapped around her body to steady her.

"Easy there, Darlin'," A familiar voice said. Tara looked up and met Jax's blue eyes, they were full of concern. He rubbed the tops of her arms and waited for her to catch her breath. "What's wrong?" He asked after several minutes passed.

Tara looked up at him, her eyes were misty with unshed tears. Everything that just happened replayed in her mind. The image of Matt's deadpan stare was frozen into her brain. She shivered involuntarily and Jax wrapped his arms around her, pulling him against his chest. "It's okay, I'm here," He whispered, his lips brushing her ear.

"I saw him," Tara finally managed, once her breathing returned to normal. She pulled away and looked up at Jax. Rage instantly turned his vision red.

Without asking Tara what happened, Jax kissed her forehead and slipped passed her. He headed in the direction that Tara came. She reached out and grabbed at his arm, but he shook her off, determined to find Matt. "Jax," Tara called out. "Don't do this. He's not worth it."

Jax was already halfway down the hall. He didn't even turn to acknowledge that she spoke, he just continued walking. His whole body was rigid with anger. Tara trailed behind him, occasionally calling out, begging him to stop. Nothing could stop Jax once his temper flared up.

"What makes you think it's okay to touch Tara again?" Jax growled. Tara heard his voice before she rounded the corner and saw the two guys face each other, they were nearly crouched down ready to attack.

"Ah, I was wondering when you were going to show up. The Prince had to come defend his Princess, right? Her little knight in shining armor?" Matt answered in his cocky tone.

"Watch your mouth," Jax warned. He clenched his jaw and the angry little vein in the side of his mouth popped out.

"Or what? You're gonna have your biker buddies hurt me again?" Matt responded. He rubbed his hands against his eyes in a crying gesture and pretended to shake. "I'm so scared.."

Jax let out a humorless chuckle and cocked his head to the side. "No, I'll kill you. Myself. It's what should've happened the moment you laid a hand on Tara."

"Is that a threat, big guy?" Matt retorted, clearly not taking Jax's words seriously.

"No, it's a promise," He replied. "I. Will. Kill. You."

Jax didn't wait for Matt to reply and he didn't say anything else. He simply walked away, slinging his arm over Tara's shoulder in the process and leading her down the hall, away from Matt. Tara realized then that it had always been like this and it would always be like this. Jax would come to her rescue always. He was there to protect and love her. He always had been.

* * *

**SORRY FOR THE DELAY! HOPE YOU ENJOY THE CHAPTER! **


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